Congratulations Buckeyes !!
Please excuse me for going off topic with this one. But I’d be remise if I didn’t take a moment to tip my cap to the one and only sports team I follow with serious interest.
I believe I’ve elaborated before about what Buckeye Football means to me and my family & friends. Its very serious stuff and is as much a part of our family culture and identity as our last name. You see my hometown of Farmer, Ohio as the name suggests is very much an agricultural community and my high school last I checked, is one of the last that still has a FFA (Future Farmers of America) program and 4-H clubs still abound. THE Ohio State University was formed as an agricultural college and still has one of the top AG (Agricultural) programs in the nation. So with such ties, its only natural that if you grew-up in that area and intended to go to college, OSU was the most logical choice. Many of those alumni came back home to roost after graduation, so while there are far fewer kids from the area intending to go into an ag related field, large numbers of them still end-up going to school at OSU. Thus the tradition continues.
Counting aunts, uncles, cousins, Dad, and myself, eight members of my family graduated from OSU. Contrary to popular belief, my mother did not. But not by choice. Her father didn’t want her to go so far away from home because she was a woman. If you ever ask her about it (and I wouldn’t), tears still well-up in her eyes as she explains why Grandpa would only let her attend Bowling Green.
But when it comes to Buckeye Football, mom is their most passionate fan. If the team is down, better stay off the land line phone least Coach T calls her for advice. He better not get a busy signal when he dials !! So intense is her love of Buckeye football it’s a (very affectionate) joke within the family. She literally got kicked out of her own home one day for being too obnoxious during a game. An uncle told her to get out !! She was three steps out the door when she realized “This is my house. Why am I leaving ?”, went back in, and had a curt talk with my father who very laughingly told his in-law that he’d been overruled Mom was staying. If she was too much, Dad would be willing to drive him down to the local bar to watch the game but NOT before half time. Ironically that Uncle’s daughters would both end-up graduating with all manner of academic accolades from THE Ohio State University. One of his daughters scheduled her wedding on opening day of OSU Football season several decades later. At one point during the reception, Dad asked my sister and I to find Mom for some sort of dance. We both laughed till we cried when we found her. Among the 35-40 men crowed around the small TV at the bar, was my 5ft 90lb mother in the seat closest to the TV. We went back and told Dad he’d have to wait till half time to dance, the score was too close !!
As for this game. Don’t worry, I’m going to tone down the comments I’ve been making on my Facebook page. Those were reserved only for fellow Buckeye fans who wouldn’t be turned-off by them. However like most Buckeye fans, I’m certainly no fan of ESPN’s college football commentators either. Boom there it is, off my chest, I feel much better now.
Congratulations to THE Ohio State Buckeyes. Terrelle you did us proud today ! The talking heads and people who called in to their talk shows have been hard on you this year. The media in Columbus has run you ragged. So much so that if you read and listened to everything, you’d have thought they were talking about an NFL quarterback not an unpaid student athlete who isn’t even old enough to drink !! I personally was taken back by it all and can only imagine how it made you feel. You handled it much better than I would have had I been in your shoes, and I applaud you for how you dealt with it all. Now no one can criticize you for your play. To make all those runs on a bum knee, WOW !! You had more grass stains on your jersey at the end of the game than the running backs and linebackers combined. You played with passion, you played with heart, you showed the fire of a true competitor. High school and Jr. High football coaches should show their teams the tape of this game and point to your performance as an example of how to play the game. A grateful Buckeye Nation is in your debt !!
Coach Tressel A grateful Buckeye Nation is also in your debt !! You too have been under constant criticism this year. They clobbered you in the media the one time you barked back and you didn’t even bark that much. It reminded me of how Mr. Rodgers might respond after stubbing his toe and wasn’t remotely close to the big deal the media made it to be. Thank you for showing us yet again why the State of Ohio loves you. Thank you for how you represent Alma Mater and how you respect the rich traditions of our great university. Thank you for reminding us why we say “In Tressel we trust or In T we T” anytime the game is on the line. I also compliment you for showing some emotion out there. When the Ducks took over on that key down in the fourth quarter, they cut to you and I saw the eyes of a determined competitor out there and knew everything was going to be okay. You looked like you could go out there without pads and take their defense on by yourself !!
To every young man who suited-up for the Scarlet and Grey this season, thank-you for giving us another fun filled season of Buckeye Football this year. You’ve done the tradition of Buckeye Football and THE Ohio State University proud. Its been a real privilege watching you this year !!
Until next time, RedHeaded Rambler signing off
Photo Gallery: Ohio State vs. Oregon Rose Bowl Photo Gallery - The Ohio State Buckeyes Official Athletics Site - OhioStateBuckeyes.com
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
- Helen Keller
I’d like to take this time to reach out to anyone struggling with mental illness but has yet to seek help.
Perhaps on reflection of the previous year, you’ve thought about getting help but haven’t. Perhaps its part of a New Year’s resolution you made.
I would like to encourage you not to put it off. Don’t wait. I know its hard I’ve been in your shoes and so have millions of other Americans. NAMI estimates 1 in 4 Americans suffer from mental illness every year. So I assure you that you are NOT alone.
Its always hard to admit you need help. Its something I struggled with accepting myself. But there is no shame. Mental Illnesses are medical conditions just like cancer, diabetes or H1N1.
Also like any other medical illness you should expect the same standards of professionalism and thoroughness. Anything less, head for the door.
Going to list a link here that will help reassure you that you are not alone. As well as a link for NAMI an organization that can help point you in the right direction as far as seeking treatment.
http://www.bringchange2mind.org
http://www.nami.org
End of Year ADD Moments
I want to start off the year by laughing at someone. Specifically me. Had some ADD moments sneak in before the close of 2009 that had comical value.
When I rousted myself from bed around the crack of 3pm yesterday, it was my initial intention to head to the gym for a long walk. But before the meds could kick in, I became absorbed with a project I’m not at liberty to discuss here. Then I became side tracked exchanging emails with a very pleasant lady I met recently. Which started me on developing the New Years Letter I recently posted, then I had to take a break to surf through old music videos, then go back to my project, and before I knew it, it was 8:45pm the gym was about to close, I hadn’t eaten and needed to make a long overdue grocery run !!
While driving to the grocery I thought I’d call my Mom using my blue tooth ear piece. I became so absorbed in talking to her, that I forgot that my actual cell phone was resting in the center counsel of my vehicle. So when I parked and started heading to the entrance still in deep conversation, Mom mysteriously cut out when I got about 15 feet from the store !!
Latter on, went to start the laundry rotation. Opened the washer up and it was as if some satanic jack-in-the-box blasted me in the face. I mean I actually saw stars and WOW the smell !! For the first time in my 30 years on this earth I smelt mildew. Mildew from a damp load of laundry that my calculations estimate had been fermenting since before Christmas eve eight days prior !! Dam was I proud of myself !!
Lastly as many of you know, I’ve been shamelessly plugging this blog for three weeks. It occurred to me, that despite posting it repeatedly several times a day, I don’t have the web address memorized. I have to reference it in my favorites list and copy it from the address bar !! AAHH gotta laugh, it wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t true.
Okay time for the next one
RedHeaded Rambler signing off
Greetings Readers/Friends.
Let me start by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR and GO BUCKEYES BEAT DUCKS !!
To my fellow alumni and fans of THE Ohio State University I say O-H !!
Alright now that I got that out of my system, want to share the gist of a letter I sent out to friends and family yesterday in various forms each tailored to personalize it to whomever it was sent. Definitely removed some things that would serve more harm than good if shared on a public forum so don't worry Mom and Dad !
Hey;
Just wanted to take a break from what I'm doing to drop you a line to wish you all HAPPY NEW YEAR !! I know 2009 was a rough time for many of you and it wasn't easy on me either.
Among the plethora of self help books I've been reading dealing with ADD and depression, one thing rings consistent. They always have a section about dealing with your "Bag of Hurts". Which essentially is referring to the events and situations of your life that have scarred and injured you spiritually and emotionally.
While our personal situations are uniquely different, I think its applicable for us all to consider reflecting on them. NOT for the sake of dwelling in the past or making excuses for why we are who we are. But rather, do so for the sake of binding-up those wounds and enabling us to move forward with an improved quality of life and a fresh start.
Consider asking for help from your "Higher Power" or whomever you call God for help and guidance. Its a big task and you'll need help from that entity to get there.
I'm going to enclose a link to a music video for a song that has always meant a lot to me. Lots of people like to make fun of it and the artist, but for me its always been very deep and emotional as I interpret it to be about new beginnings. Can't tell you how many times I've heard this song as I blasted down route 6 or us 127 heading for a new adventure. The call to active duty, freshman year of college, on my way to college graduation ceremony, move back to Columbus, the list goes on.
Whitesnake
Lastly, here's my New Years wish to all of you.
“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”
Until next time,
RedHeaded Rambler signing off
I'll be ringing in the New Year alone in my apartment this year. But be assured is not because I didn't have options so don't feel sorry for me. I just have a few too many irons in the fire right now to waste one of my precious few days off on such brick-a-brat this year. Also in all honesty, the social invites I received this year like usual were to events where there would inevitably be a lot of heavy drinking. I haven't drank since August and quitting was surprisingly easy but I don't want to risk taking a chance on my ability to abstain from temptations.
Since quitting drinking this year, which was solely out of fear for the effects it would have on the medication I so greatly wanted and needed to work, I realized a few things. Number one, I'm not an alcoholic but I did have a serious problem with alcohol. My problem was what's called a binge cycle that I now realize it was an attempt to self medicate. The anti-depressants helped cut my anxiety but never fully stopped the cyclone of thoughts and emotions that frequently races though me.
But I never was overly worried because it wasn't anything that 40-50 beers couldn't ease over a weekend nearly EVERY weekend.
Anyhow I'm still procrastinating on some other more pressing matters. But I'll have a new post up by morning.
Here's wishing all of my readers a HAPPY and SAFE NEW YEAR !!
“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”
Until tomorrow, RedHeaded Rambler out
While it may seem like a minor achievement, it is one that's been nagging me for a while. Thank-you to everyone who has been gracious enough to stop by ! I promise to keep providing a steady stream of material that is a mix of both humor and honest descriptions of what people with mental illnesses deal with.
Thank you very much and here's hoping it won't take so long to get to 200 visits !!
Sincerely,
The RedHeaded Rambler
First, I want to thank all my readers for visiting. If you're new, welcome ! Please feel free to poke around and check my "About Me" section and my archives. Something has happened and I'm starting to average about 20 visits a day. That's very encouraging. Its hard to stay motivated to write, if you think you are playing to an empty auditorium.
The reason Christmas is such a hard time for me. IW finally going to talk about the white elephant in the room.
I have a ton of things I’d like to talk about and have much material fast accumulating in my idea file, but just seems like I can’t get to any of it without first talking about the white elephant in the room.
I’ve been putting it off forever and because it involves family, and I could never feel my way through it, without coming across as airing private family business in public. Heaven knows things are tense enough without me dumping twenty gallons of gasoline onto the fire. Yet as much for me as anyone else, I feel that its important enough that I need to walk down that fine line. Not going to throw stones or poke the fire. Just discuss how its effected me.
That being said I’ve got some legalities to get out of the way before we get started. Remember the disclosures under the “About Me” section apply as always. I’ll also add this. Nothing discussed here represents the views of any of my family either. I only speak for me. Also, to those personally involved in this ongoing matter, know this. Just because I make an attempt to discuss things in a neutral manner, doesn’t change any of my privately expressed stances on things. I’ll dam well let you know in person if they do.
Its one of those family “secrets” that I’m sure all of our family friends know. My younger sister and I don’t get along at all. Actually that’s putting things mildly. We can’t stand to be in the same room together and really prefer to stay in different zip codes. That‘s not an exaggeration. Two weeks ago I was shaken-up pretty severely because while driving to work, someone in a vehicle that looked identical to my sister’s cut me off near the 270/Dublin exit. I’d heard that my sister was in Columbus for training and my initial reaction was “Holy Crap !! She’s chosen to play a dangerous game of ’let’s pick a fight over nothing’ with two big SUV’s at 75mph. No way this has a happy ending. If she’s bold enough to try and cause a 12 car wreck, she almost certainly has a firearm in the car and is prepared and intending to use it. It‘s the fight I always feared but hoped would never see”. Thankfully, it wasn’t her in the car, and despite this, it was easily four-six hours before my hands stopped shaking from the adrenalin rush. It was like the time (while on army training) I accidentally shot an anti-tank missile at a range marker and the yelling and screaming that came over the radio initially made me think I had shot my friend’s tank by mistake. I was really shook-up.
The day they brought my sister home as a baby, I literally asked Mom and Dad if they could take her back ! Its not just a brother/sister thing, or a simply rivalry, or whatever dismissive thing people too often want to call it. The cold ugly fact of the matter is that our intense dislike of each other has only become more intense with every passing year.
We’ve made many attempts to reconcile in the past, only to have it end in a fight far worse than the last. Usually this happens over Christmas, no it ALWAYS happens over Christmas. This would be the first Christmas Mom and Dad asked us to come home on separate weekends hoping to avoid this. Still due to some frankly individual I'm not allow to name or describe (but whom I have plenty of names and adjectives for) who quite smugly tried to herself into this feud, it nearly happened again this year. Sorry Pops, there is no other words for it. At least I was able to ignore it without responding. However, given that it upset me greatly and kept me from getting much sleep, not to mention elevated my stress levels; I really wish she would not have tried to contact me.
Anyhow, enough on that. I’ve laid down enough for readers to understand and get the point. Two years ago we were both working on Christmas Day. What started out as a simple TEXT message to wish the other a Merry Christmas somehow escalated into a marathon drop down, drag-out fight. Mind you she was in Cleveland, OH and I was in Columbus, OH so it wasn’t that we were actually trading fists. On every break, lunch, and quiet moment, we were calling and texting to scream obscenities at the other. Then we got off shift and it really got bad.
By the time my parents called to see to wish me Merry Christmas around 7pm that night, I’d become so worked-up and stress out, I was incoherent and nearly out of touch with reality. Mom and Dad became so alarmed they begged a friend who lived in Columbus to go check on me while Dad hoped in the car and drove three hours down from Bryan, OH the whole time fearing he’d have to have me involuntarily committed to the hospital. When Dad arrived, we started arguing and screaming at each other from nearly the moment he opened the door of his truck and this went on for the next three hours. We didn’t solve anything but had to quit because both of us were physically on the verge of having a stroke. Given that Dad is a heart attack survivor, and I have blood pressure problems, it wasn’t an irrational concern.
What they probably didn’t know until just now, is that I had suffered three similar but far more intense episodes while on active duty back in 2002 that were not provoked by my sister, but by stress. The third one basically ended with me head butting a wall for two hours and having to be treated for a concussion the following day. It had been enough to make me realize I probably needed help and most likely wouldn’t re-enlist. I’d also witnessed similar episodes by several close friends. I want to talk about that more but some other time.
Its fair to say that that was the beginning of the downward spiral for me. There is a lot more to it than that, but if I had to trace things back, I would say that was when the foundation of my world started cracking. Mom and Dad often refer back to that moment and talk about how they can’t go through that again. They don’t have the emotional ability to handle another such episode and honestly, neither can I.
It was out of the fear of another experience like this that Mom and Dad BEGGED me to find a better doctor earlier this year. The slow roll towards the bottom of the hill had turned into a free-fall mainly due to stressed relationships between me, my sister, and my parents in regards to her wedding. In hindsight, I think much of it stemmed from my parent’s insistence that I attend it though Diane and I had not spoken since that prior Christmas and really neither of us had intentions to start corresponding anytime soon. If it stressed Diane out too, I never heard, but I’d be surprised if it did not. How could it not stress her out ? Now that wasn’t the sole issue. I recently went through a lot of pictures Mom took at the wedding and realized again as I did then, that there is a whole lot more to it than that. At one point I flat out told Mom and Dad that things had me so worked-up, I might have to voluntarily admit myself to a mental treatment facility, and should it come to that, I was sorry in advance for becoming the center of attention and topic of discussion at Diane’s wedding.
I was having mood swings that had even my confused. I was going from white hot anger, to near inconsolable depression, back to even keel. Sometimes all inside five minutes. When I was upset, I was having extreme muscle ticks in my face, which were physically painful and exhausting. I chipped a tooth and dislocated my jaw from clenching my teeth so hard. The doctor I was seeing at the time, visited with me for all of five minutes simply putting me on bi-polar meds and something for anxiety attacks. But those drugs so tranquilized me, I could barely stay awake for a full shift at work. This became so sever that I was seriously considering going on disability, which depressed me even more. Finally, my parents, a dear friend, and a contact at NAMI, convinced me to seek a second opinion. God was the one who put me in touch with Dr. Martin. How else do you explain how the one person I could afford to see, was probably the one doctor in Central Ohio who could help me. After making me fill out a 5-10 page questioner and a 90 minute interview, he said “Don’t worry Mike, you aren’t Bi-Polar, you’re ADD with some depression and ptsd (post traumatic stress syndrome), I’m going to completely change your meds. You can expect to start feeling much better within six weeks, and be fully stable in 6 months”. And I said “WWHHAATTT !! ADD ?”. I initially thought he was a crack-pot who was giving me false hope. But he did have a lot of certifications on the wall and he had done a very through diagnosis. So I figured I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happened. Believe you me though, when I got home, I looked-up everything I could about adult ADD. The more I read, the more I realized that even if Dr. Martin was wrong, he was not far off. In fact he ended-up right on the money. Dr. Martin is probably one of the only physiatrists with over twenty years of experience treating adult ADD, in Ohio period. Its not far off to say, God saved my life through Dr. Martin and I’ll forever be grateful to both of them.
Well, I didn’t start off writing this intending to go into the specifics of the last six months of my recovery journey and it has me exhausted. But it was something that needed done and I’m glad it is done.
Until next time, this is The RedHeaded Rambler signing off.
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