ADD and Church Don't mix so well

First I want to thank everyone who has visited my site in the last few days, over 40 visits in two days !! If you’re new welcome, be sure to check out my About Me section and my archives. This whole Christmas deal combined with some other things, has given me enough material to put a near continuous flow of articles on a variety of topics and I’ll only be limited by the constraints of time.

Gonna start tonight with something light hearted, then follow it up with something deep latter in the day, then more in the next few days ahead.

Very fortunate to have time to visit home over the holidays and visit my parents. Always a joy, and having that opportunity is always cherished.

Something I usually get very loathingly, roped into doing when home over the holidays is go to church. It makes sense to me now, why I don’t like going. Has nothing to do with feelings about faith or merit or what have you. In fact I am proud of my Christian Lutheran Faith and any attempt to analyze my great distaste for this tradition based on personal beliefs would prove inconclusive.

Its far simpler. I HATE crowds. I HATE THEM !! Nothing like 200 people packed shoulder to shoulder on wooden benches while little kids scream, and young men fidget, bells chime, speakers hiss, wireless microphones giving off their soothing shriek of feedback, to put my brain in system overload. “Warning Mighty Mike Warning Mighty Mike multiple threats in sight, proceed to Threat Con 5 eeerrr WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SCREAM ABOUT ? Is there a rabid wolverine gnawing off someone’s foot ? Redirect Proceed to Threat Con 9er 9er Fife and Oh flipping kid just upset because he lost a crayon. I hope Santa takes a shit in his stocking tonight !! Maybe I should show him the picture of the deer I shot last year and tell him it was Rudolf the Reindeer That’ll help give that future ward of the state penitentiary some perspective !!! WARNING LOUD SCREECH DETECTED Proceed to Threat Con Fife and Disregard false alarm”. I was reading about the biology/physiology of this the other day in fact. For someone with ADD, the executive nerve center doesn’t function properly. Think of it this way. You have a clerk working the front desk of a hotel. For someone without ADD, people filter in and out with various requests in an orderly manner. But for someone with ADD, its as if they turn around and there are 400 people at the desk all taking to him at once. In this situation one of two things will happen. The clerk will crack under the stress and lash out at the people or he’ll run into the back office and hide. That’s what ADD is like especially in crowds.

There’s a couple of ADD facts about my life that made me laugh while there. First as you can tell from my picture, I’m easily recognizable and even wearing a cap in certain situations will simply make me stand out in a crowd even more. Unless you are someone I talk to regularly, it would be a mistake to assume that just because you know or recognize me that I know and or recognize you. I feel bad about it, really I do, but still it is somewhat funny. Long ago I learned it was just easier to fake as if I knew these well meaning people who introduce themselves to me, rather than embarrass myself or them by actually asking who they are. I’ve really got the whole routine down. Smile say something innocuous, “Its good to see you too. How’s it going ? Ready for Christmas ?”, then quickly find a way to vacate the immediate area, “Good, that’s great hear!! Nice seeing you, Looks like my mother is ready to leave. Take care ! Gotta go help Dad load the car, be safe !!!”. Quickly vacating is the key because I can’t actually lie, and if I stay and risk a more in-depth conversation it will become obvious that I have no clue who they are. Must have had a dozen such conversations tonight/last night and of those I only actually recognized two people, three at the most. Sorry names I’m bad with, and I left the next nearly 11-12 years ago and haven’t been back except to visit since.

Also since I don’t get back very much, its evident to me that I haven’t aged or there is a break in people’s time reference when it comes to their memories of me. This is especially true of my parent’s friends and school teachers. I know this because while visiting home 2-3 times this past month for holiday obligations, I’ve been asked repeatedly the one question that always makes me laugh. That question is “So are you still in The Service ?”. Its so funny because I got out nearly 7 years ago !! Let me check, yeah I was 23 when I got out, and I’m 30 now, so yeah seven years. More than five years ago I competed my inactive reserve obligation too. Dam I’m getting old !!

Back to the service, despite only being an infrequent participant in church services anymore, seems like you just don’t loose the memories of the dialogue for the liturgy you repeated every single Sunday from birth to age 18, or at least not easily. Several times throughout the service I caught myself keeping up with it without realizing I was on the wrong page or had forgotten to open the hymnal. Now that isn’t necessarily a good thing, because I nearly chocked while we were reciting the Niacin Creed only to realize some joker had changed certain phrases to more “modern language”. “With the Father and the Son He is worsiPRased and gloriREspected. He’s What the bank ?” were the exact works.

Went to get a drink of water, only to find some kid screwing around essentially giving himself a shower at the fountain. “I have sores in my mouth !!” he loudly stated, despite me not having asked. To which I replied, “Ooohhhkay then, I think I’ll use the drinking fountain downstairs. Merry Christmas, great to talk to you, gotta go !”. I was also thinking “BOY I wish Dad hadn’t volunteered me to assist with administering Holy Communion”. I know I looked like an asshole for using hand sanitizer while standing in front of the entire congregation after handing out communion wafers for thirty minutes, but can’t say I feel too apologetic given the information I learned earlier.

However, I know they didn’t know this fact. Which is part of the reason I used Mikey’s second favorite technique for avoiding talking to people while in a crowd when it was time to leave. Simply put your head down with a look of intense concentration on your face, and walk like you have to seriously use the restroom, and move to the exit with a sense of purpose !! Well what do you know its already 4am and the dog is whimpering to be let out ! GREAT TALKING TO YA Gotta go !!

The RedHeaded Ramber Signing out until next time.