More stories about cleaning ADD style

Wonder whatever happened to Bookman Old Style the font ? I loved it because it was the only font that could stretch a paper typed using Times New Roman, from 4 pages long to 6 pages long, maybe even 7 if you moved the font from 12 to 12.5. Granted it made my term papers look like children’s books, but still I got the A. Before we get too much farther remember standard disclosures under the “About Me” section apply as always.

Anyhow, sorry I haven’t written in a while. Got busy with visiting dignitaries and during the confusion forgot to take my ADD medication. I’m amazed at how I am without it !! Between the super cold weather we had on my last days off, and the lack of stimulant medication, it took extreme mental effort just to roll out of bed for 4 hours and clean myself. If it weren’t for the rather extreme build-up of BO propelling my strong desire for a shower, I’d probably be full bed sores and dust mites by now. Not unlike the hibernation habits of many mammals found north of the Mason-Dixon Line I guess. It was interesting to note the differences in my personality. With the medication, I’m a relatively “normal” person, without it, I’m a walking zombie (so long as I don’t have anyone to pick a fight with) who doesn’t even want to engage in my favorite hobby: surfing the internet. Or I’m a ticking bomb spoiling for a fight, which releases adrenalin stimulating my frontal cortex. Games we ADD people play !! I once got into a yelling match because some lady called me “Sir” at the grocery store !! I had somehow convinced myself that she was implying I was old !! Don’t miss those days.

Well getting on with the topic listed, I learned about an important thing to dust while my Mother was visiting. You see I have several cream-colored lamp shades with a curved ridge texture. Who’d have thought about dust building-up in those things, and not just a little either !! I’m talking about enough to put a coal processing plant to shame !!!! Here’s how I made this discovery.

Mom and I were relaxing and sipping coco after a wonderful evening at the Columbus Zoo Light Festival (a MUST see and a perfect and low cost family event if you live in the Central Ohio Area by the way). Mom set her cup down on a end table to get something from the kitchen. While she was up, I noticed a fly of all things crawling up the lamp shade. Hark, this offensive sight must be dispatched immediately least my mother see the unsanitary conditions of my apartment !!!! So I grabbed a newspaper to swat it, little realizing I was about to put my lack of cleanliness prowess on full display. Simultaneously, I swat the fly smacking the lampshade, just as my mother returns from the kitchen and walks-up beside me. The resulting dust-explosion made Mom and I look like chimneysweeps from the 1900’s after a 16 hour day ! And yeah, the coco was contaminated beyond the point of consumption too.

To my mother’s credit, she didn’t get mad. In fact she laughed so hard, she cried ! I think she almost peed her pants and choked from uncontrollable laughter while curled-up in the fetal position of my living room !! I was confused by all these different and very unexpected calls to my brain to respond initially. Neither the dust explosion or my mother’s reaction were what I expected to come from this process, and the switchboard to my brain was overloaded. I didn’t know whether I should continue to pursue the fly, start cleaning the dust which had covered everything within ten feet of the lamp, get angry with my mother, clean off my glasses ? Decisions, decisions, decisions hhhmmm !!!

Well, it immediately became clear to me, that my eye glasses had to be cleared and a battle damage assessment taken before anything else took place. After wiping several layers of crud from them, my mom had recovered from her laughing spell long enough to show me how to use the vacuum to clean-up the dust. She also supervised my vacuuming of the rest of my dust-shades I mean lampshades to help prevent another such causality in the future. So for all you ADD bachelors out there, grab your vacuum, put the brush attachment on it, and clean the dust from those lights, next time you pull that particular device out of the shed. Better still, print off a copy of this article right now, and go tape it to the handle. You’re certain to forget it otherwise.

Until next time, this is the RedHeaded Rambler signing off.