I'm BBAAACCKKK !!!!

Well its been a very stressful three months but I'm back at least on a limited basis. Make sure to read the disclosure listed in the “About Me” section.

What was the reason for the long hiatus and secrecy ? Simply put, I was in the midst of a very serious job search. During this process I wanted to stay under the radar and avoid being associated with anything that might be considered controversial. As stated in a prior article, I don't believe that anything you launch into cyberspace is truly anonymous.

It is with great relief and excitement to announce that I have accepted a position with a new company in an industry that I've long wanted to get into. I start on Monday. I would like to wish my previous employer good luck and tell my new employer that I look forward to being a part of your team.

I want to thank my friends and family for all of their thoughts, prayers and support during a very stressful time in my life. Most of all I want to thank the God of my understanding for all of his help. The way this whole deal played out leaves no question in my mind that it was his work, it was my Lord and Savior reaching out to help his child. For that I will be forever grateful.

The last three months have taken a tole on me and I'm very happy that its finally over. I'm excited to see what awaits me on Monday. I have been on holiday since Tuesday; resting, healing, and reflecting on the events of the last five months and mentally preparing for what lies ahead.

I've gone back and forth about what if anything else I should say in terms of details and have decided it prudent to be very ambiguous. Those need to know the exact details and reasons in regards to my situation already do and there's little to be gained by adding much more.

I will definitely be posting things on here again on a regular basis. Though the articles are going to be a bit more cautious for a while. The harsh reality about American society is that there is more of a stigma with mental illness than there is even Aides or STD's. And in all fairness to the American public, the complexities of mental illness diseases, does not make it an easy thing to understand. It was really driven home to me a few weeks ago during a conversation I had with some friends. I was really taken back in regards to their attitudes and feelings on it. Sufficient to say, its effected our relationship quite severely. But I'm getting off topic so I'll break off into another paragraph and try again to make the point I'd intended to make in this one. :)

I will definitely be posting things on here again on a regular basis. Though the articles are going to be a bit more cautious for a while. Remember how I don't believe anything you launch into the realm of cyberspace to ever be truly anonymous. Going into a new job, you start establishing your reputation the moment you enter the parking lot and a bad reputation is hard to live down as well has impacts your career and ability to advance. Furthermore, every company has its own unique work culture. You need time to get to know your manager & coworkers and they need time to get to know you; before you share these sorts of aspects about your life. Telling your boss that you have a mental illness on the first day of work, is like telling a girl about all the other women you've had sex with, within the initial ten minutes of a blind date. Its not a good idea and pretty well guarantees the date will not end well. BUT if you wait till you've been dating for a while, established a solid relationship and they've gotten to know who you really are, if and when the subject comes up, they'll be far less likely to run away. But trust me, sooner or later, the subject will always come-up (pun unintended).

So stay tuned, I have a few ideas rolling around in this red covered gourd of mine and I hope to soon put a few of them on paper very soon.

Until next time, this is The RedHeaded Rambler signing off.

Haven't gone away

I just wanted to drop a quick note just to let you know that I haven't gone away and I haven't given-up this blog. But for reasons previously discussed, I'm still needing to fly under the radar. Hopefully the situation will change within the next month or so and I'll be able to start writing again. Until that day, keep checking in periodically to see.

Thanks again for your understanding and pleased be assured that I'll be back sometime.

Sincerely,

The RedHeaded Rambler

Sorry its been so long

Hey readers sorry it has been so long. I wish I had more to say but I don't. I'm currently very busy with some personal things that I can't talk about or at least can't talk about right now in a public forum.

Furthermore, to enable me to more effectively do so, I'm deliberately keeping a low profile in cyberspace right now. I hope to have something on here in the next week or so, but until things are more secure, postings will be somewhat infrequent.

Don't worry, I'm not working on some diabolical scheme to invent a new Olestra or such nonsense. Its just a matter of respect and tact that I don't talk about it in a public forum. I don't believe anything said in cyberspace is truly anonymous.

You could say the instincts I developed over years of working near the edge the media spot light in the political field are kicking in strongly right now. For almost five years any and everything I said or did publicly or privately could and often was considered as representing that of my employer. Heaven help you if you drew the focus of the media spotlight away from your employer. Through that experience I learned to be super duper careful in all my words and deeds. Such as why I'm about to say this least their be any confusion. I do NOT speak on behalf of my employer EVER. All thoughts expressed both here as well as in any article posted on this site, are mine alone.

Hopefully things will change soon and I'll be back to pumping out articles talking about things with a mixture of humor and insight on a regular basis. But it won't be for at least a little while.



I thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

The RedHeaded Rambler

My thought for the week

I ain't gonna lie crew, I'm having a hard time right now. Mounting pressure and stress in both my personal and professional life. Haven't been writing much because I need to conserve what I have to take on these challenges. Can't be all sunshine and rainbows I guess but is a very scary time in my life right now. Stress of finances is keeping me up and only getting three-five hours of sleep at night.

So with that, just want to share a video that really touched me. This is about a man who ran a clothing line for MMA training. Sadly he died last year in an auto accidence, don't be put off by his appearance, this was a man respected and looked-up to by many within the MMA community and with good reason. After seeing this video tribute to him, I think you'll know why. Enjoy and I'll write again when I can.

Sorry I haven't been writing

I want to apologize for not posting in a while. I guess when you leave someone with ADD on their own to keep-up with something, it can happen sometimes :) In all seriousness, I've been busy with some things in my life that I'm not at liberty to discuss in a public forum such as this but I did want to get something on here before Sunday. So here's a couple responses I have in response to some discussion questions in regards to medication on the Bring Change 2 Mind's Facebook page.


Again please take note of the disclosures on my "About Me" section, thank yo and enjoy.

The first one is in response to someone having emotional issues with taking medications for their mental disorder. Here was my response.

Overall I've come to see my psychiatric medications the same way I see the medication I took to recover from an injury earlier this year or the way a diabetic views their insulin shots.

Its something I need to allow me to have a full life and good quality of life. Without it, I'm a grouchy antisocial hermit who hides under the bed for most of his life. The medications don't change me, they simply allow me to be a better me. But they do not in any way change who "Mike" really is. They just allow "Mike" to more easily function.

But I do understand. As I share my story with others, seems like everyone including myself have made the mistake of quitting the medication at one point or another.

For me, I got to a point where I was having a very rough patch and family and close friends kept repeatedly asking me "Are you still taking your medication" and few things piss me off more !! 1. I wanted to scream "So what if I am ? Why can't I just have a bad bleeping day !!!". 2. I felt that no one was ever taking me seriously simply because I was on anxiety medication. 3. Since I really disagreed with them on the particular topic of discussion and they were asking me if I was still on my meds so much I started questioning that statement, " The medications don't change me, they simply allow me to be a better me. But they do not in any way change who "Mike" really is. They just allow "Mike" to more easily function." and instead were reprogramming me into some kind of trained drone they could control.

I've been using my medication for about again for over a year now. But I had to walk right to the very edge of the cliff of self destruction, look over the edge and realize I was about to fall off; it before I started using them again.


The next response was to someone who was expressing frustration over the fact that they were taking medicine and nothing was getting better at all.

T my gut reaction to that question is that you might now be getting the right help. I would urge you to talk to your doctor about it or get a second opinion. Again that too is a path I have traveled down.

Since 2002 I was being treated for generalized anxiety but after things got much worse back this past spring I had to admit that it was not working. In hindsight it never 100% effective. The shrink I was seeing at the time took all of 10 minutes to conclude that I was bi-polar and put me on some really powerful drugs that turned me into a brain dead zombie. Fortunately my mother was with me at that appointment and this doctor set her bull sh&% detector off very loudly.

So she got hooked-up with a wonderful organization called NAMI and became educated on what one should expect from a mental health care provider. In a nutshell you should expect and demand the same level and quality of medical care as you would of say a doctor who specializes in cancer treatment. Chief among those credentials being a very through analysis before the doctor officially diagnoses you. This doctor had not done his due diligence in that regard according to my mother's opinion.

So I took her advice and got a second opinion. The next psychiatrist I saw had me fill out a 5 page single spaced questionnaire which he went over with me in an interview that lasted an hour and a half. It was only then that he told me "This bi-polar diagnosis is a load of crap !! You're ADD not bi-polar !! Give me six weeks and I''ll get you feeling dramatically better and in 6 months you'll be hitting on all 6 cylinders". At first I was highly suspicious but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt given all the work he put into diagnosing me.

In the end that doctor delivered in full on his promise and I'm in a much better place now, that I was even seven years ago !

Which is a long way of saying, if you still are wanting to jump off the cliff of self destruction, I doubt you are getting treated correctly and I would urge you to go talk to your mental health care provider. Also I would not hesitate to get a second, third or sixth opinion if you don't feel the doctor is doing you justice. Its a common theme among those who've shared their stories with me.

Personally I would recommend bring a trusted friend or family member to these consultations because when you are in that emotional state, its hard to objectively see what's going on. I know I would not have noticed there was a problem had my mother not come with me to an appointment.

I know of a handful of people who had to go to five different doctors before they found one who could help them. Again expect the same standard of care that you would of a cancer doctor.

And do not give up !! Life doe not have to be that way for you, most mental illnesses are highly treatable !!!

Until next time, this is The RedHeaded Rambler signing off.

My Story for Bring Change 2 Mind

My Story for BringChange2Mind

Please be sure to remember the disclaimer under the “About Me” section of my blog site applies as always.

February has been proclaimed national “Share your Story Month” by Bring Change 2 Mind. A wonderful organization that has brought those who suffer with mental illnesses and their loved ones “out of the closet” if you will to share their stories. Its a very good thing that has helped people come out of their bubbles and realize that they are not alone. It helps us to heal, it helps us to learn from each other, it brings national attention to mental illnesses to defeat its stigma and all the good that will come from that. So in the spirit of the occasion I will now share mine as best I can.

So metaphorically speaking, I stand before you and the World to say, “I am Mike and I have ADHD, GAD, and Depression and I while I am not proud of this fact, I am NO LONGER ashamed of this fact anymore. This is my story which I give in hopes that it will in some way help others”.

As far back as I my conscious memory goes, I have always been a high strung person who needlessly worried and got worked up over nothing. Always scared of what was coming up around the bend, I always expected and prepared for the worst as though it were inevitable. Hell, I remember fifth grade, one of the years I was a straight A student, having anxiety attacks the night before the last day of school, because I was terrified that I would be held back !!

It has been a relief to me to learn that I am not unique among those who are effected by ADHD in that social skills do not come easily for me. This difficulty caused my grade school-high school years hard. I was forever being picked on some incidents are quite dramatic and clearly etched in my mind for the emotional turmoil it caused. While I was never a bad kid who was forever acting-up, seems like two or three times a year one or many kids would pick on me till I could not take it anymore resulting in the inevitable scuffle. But even in adult life, my struggles with social skills has caused me some difficulty.

But as far as my condition is concerned, things did not really starting serious until college. My anxiety knew no bounds and started effecting my ability to function. My pessimistic outlook and worry-wart ways drove my friends to tears of annoyance and even as early as sophomore year people were telling me (usually not so nicely) that I needed medication. But I never seriously listened because it was usually said in anger and not out of genuine concern. So I let it go in one ear and out the other. That was until.....

Until my Army National Guard unit was called to active duty three weeks after the 9-11 tragedy. We were stationed stateside as part of Operation Noble Eagle I homeland defense operations for a year. Nothing too crazy, in fact more days were agonizingly boring than not. BUT that whole year was full of uncertainty and frustration. Since the Army was writing or rewriting the book on homeland security operations, things were forever changing. Also the military was in the preliminary planning stages not only of domestic security, but also the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq. So we kept being told our tour was going to be extended, shortened, that we were going to be prepping for an overseas mission, and on and on an on. I was literally told by the same officer that we were going home in five days, then that its changed and we are going Iraq, and that we'd be on our current mission for at least two and a half years, back to “we still don't know”, all in the same day. When you start messing with people's emotions with that even a mentally strong soldier will inevitably start to get rattled. And guys were starting to have mental break downs so often, you really never knew who was going to snap next. But without question I was among those who struggled the worst. So much so that my platoon sergeant ordered me to get some counseling out of genuine concern for my well being.

The stress of the uncertainty and constant back and forth of the status of our deployment had caused me to crack. I had a very dramatic stress breakdown one night where I spent three hours screaming obscenities while smashing my head into an actual brick wall outside the barracks and leaping into the air to more forcefully drive my face into the ground. God bless my squad leader, he was eventually able to get through to me, calm me down, and help me regain my composure. But I was never the same and over time became unable to sleep and developed a nervous tick. So the platoon sergeant ordered me to get counseling. So I reluctantly visited the post physiologist. However even in that degenerated state, I could see a mile a way that the Army's mental health program was designed solely to weed-out the soldiers it felt could no longer be trusted with a rifle. Anyone who went there for treatment had to be escorted and the waiting room was guarded by a big menacingly looking NCO. No way I was going to honestly answer any questions the over-worked and obviously fatigued Army physiologist asked me.

After a couple hours I finally see the man and he asks my why I am here. I simply tell him that the stress of things had made it impossible for me to sleep and the lack of sleep is making me very grouchy. That's about all I told him other than my name, rank, unit, and ssn. Just like we'd been told to do if we ever became POW's in hindsight !! So he gets tired of this and simply tells me to cut down on the drinking, schedules me for an anger management seminar, and suggests taking Benadryl to help sleep better, then sends me on my way. But on that day I made a promise to myself that I would seriously get help when I came home to stay. Also as luck would have it, two days later we FINALLY got orders to demobilize that did not change and went home three weeks after that. By that time, I don't think anyone really believed we were demobilizing until the first sergeant dismissed us after the final formation.

Now please do not misunderstand me. I don't blame the Army for my problems. I was a soldier, there to do a job with an organization I VOLUNTARILY joined. As the third generation of my family to serve in the Army, I knew full well that Army life would not be all sunshine and rainbows. I knew that one day the green mother would call on me to make sacrifices and endure hardships in the name of protecting this great country. I also know that what little I sacrificed, pales in comparison to the sacrifices the brave young men and women of America's Armed Forces are enduring today as they fight and die in overseas conflicts and I hold them in great respect and reverence.

Anyhow getting back on topic I did get help, several months after we returned to civilian life. It took me a while but I finally got enough courage to seek the advice of a general physician. He started me on anti-depressants. This was late 2002 and the available medications were primitive compared to what's on the market today. I must have tried a half dozen different ones over the course of the next year, all with quite brutal side effects. Everything from your basic diarrhea to the sensation of being electrically shocked at the base of my head. So while I was happy with the overall benefits I got from them, I could not stand the painful side effects, and quit taking them after two years. I figured I'd just “take it like a man”, suck it up, and get on with my life. After all, I had just decided to quit working full time in order to finish my last year of college. I didn't have time to sit and mope or feel sorry for myself, I had to kick the engine into high gear and get things done.

Upon graduating college I moved home for a year and a half. It was the first time in six years I'd returned home for longer than 2 weeks in nearly 6 years. Mom and Dad took notice of my anxiety and increased irritability and about 8 months into my stay started asking to consider going back on medication. But I had been down that road once before and the thought of enduring those harsh side effects was unbearable. So I resisted until the company I was working for laid me off. The worry and humiliation of this became so overwhelming that I started having anxiety attacks again. I'd shiver uncontrollably like I was naked in a snow storm despite laying beneath a half dozen blankets. So I went to the doctor and started antidepressants again. This time there was a new medication that was far more effective with no noticeable side effects. It worked and for a few more years I thought the problem was fixed.

That was until three years ago when my general physician told me he couldn't increase the dose anymore and that he feared my condition was more serious than he was qualified to deal with, and referred me to a psychiatrist. By this time I had moved back to Columbus, Oh and was living on my own.

The psychiatrist reviewed my charts and simply increased the dosage. But it didn't help me that much. But I dealt with it because I didn't know what else to do. But early this past spring a combination of increased stress at work and dramatically increased stress in my family life started pushing me into anxiety attacks again. I was always intensely grouchy and I'd lash-out at even the most trivial things. But it was the mood swings that started to get my attention. Still I resisted because in hindsight I realized I had a bunker mentality. My family and I were definitely not seeing eye to eye with each other last spring and arguing constantly. I was also bickering with my friends an awful lot and all but one couple had started withdrawing from me. Every time a friend or family member and I had tense conversation, they'd repeatedly ask if I was still taking my medication. Since I felt like everyone was dismissing me because I was on antidepressants, I quit taking them, and things went from bad to worse almost overnight.

Eventually my parents and I fought each other to a standstill and we established a tense peace in our fighting. Dad drove down to see me under a flag of truce to talk about things. Through this we were able to clear the air and the hostilities that had been developed due to misunderstandings. I realized that Mom and Dad were asking about my medicines because they were legitimately concerned for my welfare; so I relented and started taking the pills again.

I also went back to my shrink to discuss the mood swings that had started to really frighten me. I could go from white hot anger to down in the dumps depression inside of five minutes or pure jubilation to being overwhelmed with anxiety in a quarter of an hour. People around me were always walking on eggs because they never knew which Mike they were going to get from one minute to the next. You just never knew if I was going to want to hug you or fight you. Think we're on the road to the land of sunshine and rainbows ? Guess again. The doctor took all of ten minutes to diagnose me as bi-polar, write out a script for some additional anxiety medications and bipolar pills and a month later doubled the dosage.

The problem that I did not know was that I wasn't actually bi-polar. These pills had the effect of tranquilizing me. This was only compounded by the fact that I switched from eight hour shifts to twelve hour shifts at work. I could barely make it through the day and suddenly, for the first time in my life, I was getting into trouble with my employer for missing too much work. I was days away from giving-up and starting the paperwork for disability. This thought filled me with deep depression and despair, despite the large dosages of pills. Whether it was the feeling that doing this would be letting my family down or a small sliver of self pride I don't know but I decided I could not give-in without getting a second or even third opinion. This is where I believe the hand of God, who was always there, started getting quite noticeably involved. God sent two angles into my family's and I's life who have changed out lives for the better. One in the form an organization and the second in the form of a doctor into my

The organization that he sent was NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illnesses). During the course of all these events I had heard one of their radio ads while driving home from work one night. So I called them up and the compassionate angel who answered the phone, spent two hours talking to me. She helped answer all these questions I had been scared to ask since I first started looking for help. Everything from medical laws (I'd always been terrified that if I said the wrong thing they'd take me away to an 1800's style insane asylum), what kinds of treatment options to consider, support groups, and above all what to expect from a good psychiatrist and assure me that it was normal for people with mental illnesses to get a second opinion and that I wouldn't be offending my old doctor by doing so. Amazingly enough my mother made a surprise visit to check on me the next day because they were still extremely worried. I told her about this great organization I'd just learned of and to she gave me a funny look. Apparently she and Dad had heard a similar radio ad and were planning on attending a support group meeting run by NAMI later that week ! NAMI's support group has been an immense help to my parents in terms of understanding the complex nature of mental illnesses as well as providing an emotional support group for them where they can share their experiences and problems with others who understand what they are going through.

With new found courage I started contacting mental health treatment facilities. If you live in Central Ohio and you ever feel you are alone in your struggles with mental illness try to change psychiatrists and see how quickly you can get an appointment. I must have called close to a dozen offices and none save one could get me in any sooner than four months out. That one was able to get me an appointment in three weeks. That alone made me suspicious but I thought I'd go see what he had to say. Turns out this man aka Dr. Martin was probably the one person with the experience and knowledge in Central Ohio who could help me. After having me fill out a grueling five page single spaced questionnaire and a 90 minute interview he looked me straight in the eye and said “Mike I can get you feeling better within six weeks and fully normal in six months”. That got my attention. He then went on to explain that I was not bipolar, I was ADHD with depression. WHAT ? I said.

He went on to explain how ADHD exists in adults but few psychiatrists have been trained on how dopamine levels can have an effect on the brain though they know almost too much about how serotonin levels work. Drew a picture of the brain and started explaining the physiology of the condition. A combination of rigorous exercise, antidepressants, and stimulants and six weeks later, at our follow-up appointment, I happily admitted he was right !! It hasn't been easy and I suffer set backs and bad days from time to time. But six months as of this February my family and I both agree that Dr. Martin made good on his second statement.

I'm still unsure about a lot of things and feel that I still have some work to do in terms of my recovery. However, I do know that thanks to the help this man has provided I am in a much better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually than I've been in at least eight years. My employer has noticed the change, several managers have complimented me on my improved attitude and rewarded this by giving me increased leadership opportunities and chances to help with employee performance development, something that I've long since expressed a strong interest in. I'm managing my finances much better, I'm staying on top of my cleaning chores, and all those other aspects of my life that I've always struggled with. The understanding of my condition and its tendencies have helped me get over my long held belief that I am in some way inferior to others. I am not lazy, dumb, or stupid, I'm just different. Mental illness is not an excuse and I'll never belittle others who are afflicted with a mental illnesses by blaming my condition for my actions. But it does help me understand who I am and why I am that way. Its unlocked a lot of long unsolved mysteries about my past and about my habits.

I will always be guarded in terms of how I view the future. Like so many of my fellow wounded birds who've shared their stories here, life has sucker punched me more than a few times. But for once in my life, I feel that if I can keep my guard up and my focus square on my recovery, that opportunities for better things in my life can come along and that it won't all be clouds and rainstorms all the time. I am so thankful to God for the people he's put into my life these past several months and how he's been able to help me through such angles as Dr. Martin and the good people of NAMI.

One last thing I want to mention. As you can infer from this story, I'm very grateful to my parents for helping me through all this. I certainly am extremely grateful to them for their love and support. While I still have a ways to go, I would never have made it this far without them. I'd also be remiss if failed to mention a husband-wife couple who've been friends of mine for going on eight years now. Even at my worst, they never stopped being my friends, never stopped praying for me, never stopped reaching out to me. The wife has had her own serious struggles with mental illnesses and one of their sons deals with ADD as well. They've been very open about sharing their experiences with me as well as providing insight and information they've learned from life's school of hard knocks. I owe them a great deal for this.

What happened with the last blog article

I just wanted to apologize for not posting the article I announced I was going to the other day. What happened was that I ran across some remnants of my past that I wanted to journal about. Even before the article took shape I wondered if the selected topic was going to be too intense and personal to share publicly much as I wanted to.

I'm glad I had an opportunity to journal about the experience, but when finished it was just as I was suspecting: way too intense and much much too personal to be shared. But it was a good experience that allowed me to heal some old wounds and get a handle on how deep this recovery process can be. So again thank you for understanding and I hope to have something good on here by sun-up.

Until then this is the RedHeaded Rambler signing off

General messge to anyone who views the social networking sites I've linked to this blog

I know I've posted a message about a new blog post here tonight through some sites I link here. However as I've sat down with my word processor to write it, well I'm just not certain I will actually post it. Its not some hot topic crazy rant or anything. Its about some childhood memories, and right now it's becoming somewhat intense and I'm on the bubble about whether or not its too personal and too intense to share publicly. I know I need to finish it for me, and I also know I need to sleep on it before I make a decision on sharing it with others outside personal friends and family(don't worry it doesn't involve them either).

If I don't, I'll post something else on Sunday after I finish my taxes. I'm flat broke right now and I need money :)

This is the RedHeaded Rambler signing off till next time

Everything I need to know, I learned from an NCO

Can't be too careful these days. Please remember what is written under my “About Me” applies here as it does with all articles posted on this site.

Also since as you can tell by the title I'm about to talk about some things that pertain to my time in the service, I just want to add the following disclosure/message for all the military veterans who might read this.

I state and restate this repeatedly because it is something highly important to me that all people but ESPECIALLY veterans understand. I do not seek to portray myself out to be anything more than I am. I served stateside at Ft. Knox. All things considered, it was a relatively cushy mission compared to what all of our brave soldiers where and are doing overseas. I hold those who sacrificed so much more than me in high respect and reverence. I don't want to insult them by acting like I was some kind of hard core Audie Murphy whose seen and done it all. It is a manner of personal honor to me to not do this. Plus no one can stand that guy at the end of the bar at the VFW who talks like he spent six years in the woods wasting VC but you later find he out only drove the Sergeant Major around the base in Asshole Arkansas and was later medically discharge for stubbing his toe walking into the NCO club after 6 months in the service. I do not want to ever be that guy.

Okay, thanks for humoring me by reading all that. Time to get to the point. Here this past week in Columbus, Ohio we had a hell of a snow storm hit. About twelve inches in 24 hours which is a lot for us. While on the way to the grocery to get some supplies in preparation for this impending storm, I was calling neighbors to see if they needed me to pick-up anything for them. One person HIGHLY and quite adamantly suggested I fill my bathtub and sinks with water in case we lost power for several days. People have suggested that to me before and I have always cringed at the idea for several reasons.

First and foremost, if my sinks are full of water; where on earth will I put my dirty dishes ? I mean there have been many times where my kitchen sinks are so full of dirty dishes that I've started putting them in my bathroom sink ! So what would I do with them ? Put them on the floor ? That's where the clothes are !! Do you think I'm some sort of pig ? Plus hording that much water, given how clumsy and forgetful I am, is a receipt for disaster. I'd start running the bathtub faucet and forget about it till it overflows and the floor becomes so water-logged that it collapses and deposits the tub into my downstairs neighbor's living room, and my renter's liability insurance is already high enough as it is. Plus even when I do keep-up with the cleaning, I have a serious mildew problem and if you read where I've referenced my battles with mold in past articles, you'll understand my concerns in regards to creating more damp wet environments in my apartment.

So anyhow, while parking my car at the grocery store, I noticed the collapsible shovel in the back of my vehicle. This was from my Army days and is commonly referred to as an “e-tool” short for “entrenching tool” that we used to dig foxholes, fixed-fighting positions, slit trenches, and coincidentally makes the perfect seat for executing a “class two download” when locked at a 90 degree angle if you get my drift. Just dig you a little hole, lock it into place, place one butt cheek on it, squat, aim, fire, then use it to bury the deposit. It was this recollection that made it occur to me that everything I need to know to survive this storm should we loose power was taught to me by any one of a number of sergeants I served under in my Army days. Furthermore, while it would be prudent to fill a cooler or two with water; I didn't need to horde it to the extremes my friend had suggested.

I will now elaborate. Keeping track of your equipment ESPECIALLY the equipment you need to respond to immediate threats on the battlefield is drummed into your head from day one of boot camp. In the Army that meant knowing and being within arm's reach of your weapon, helmet, gas mask, and ammunition at all times. Heaven help you if you were in the field and someone caught you walking around without your rifle and web gear on. And we kept those things literally tied onto us at all times in case they went flying out of of our hands or out of our pockets while diving for cover. And it was that thought I had in mind when I went shopping for the flashlights on my shopping list. Its why I selected flashlights that have bright read handles making them easy to find in the dark and why I placed them in places where they'd be easily and intuitively found should I need them.

Second is to always bring extra of key items that you depend on. Especially when my unit was mechanized and we ran around in armored personal carriers, my first team leader repeatedly said “God will NOT forgive those who bring only one !!!” and we always opted to bring extra spare parts for certain essential pieces of equipment in lieu of extra personal gear. Which is why I bought TWO flashlights, and a couple extra packs of batteries for electronics I'd really want in the event of being snowed-in.

Third, while food is important, drinking water is a mater of survival. I saw and treated several heat casualties during my days in the service. Trust me, you DO NOT want to get heat exhaustion or heat stroke which can happen even in the winter and are caused by dehydration. While in the field, we rarely used our drinking water to bathe or shave though we did both daily. So next on my list was a case of bottled water. Thus I ensured that I would have plenty of safe water to drink. As for cleaning, we actually gave ourselves sponge bathes with baby wipes or wet-naps. So a couple containers of them was next on my list. For shaving, I dry shaved, or like most carried a small container of shave cream. Well I guess we did splash a little water on to do that the more I think about it. Now being a spoiled lazy civilian, I just made sure my electric razor was fully charged when I got back. Easy enough. Also on the subject as you can infer from the opening paragraph, I figured if I was without power and unable to flush toilets, I'd carve an outhouse from a snow drift and use my old e-tool. Therefor, eliminating the need to horde so much water.

In battle, communication is a mater of survival. My first team leader was big on radio maintenance and knowing how to operate it correctly. He stressed that more than he did rifle maintenance and marksmanship. I distinctly remember having to stifle a chuckle once when he started one of his many rants on maintaining the radio with “That radio is the most powerful weapon on this APC !!”. I wanted to laugh because at the moment he was saying this, we were sitting in an APC loaded down with an anti-tank missile system, a 50cal machine gun, and five stocky soldiers armed with two pistols, three grenade launchers, four assault rifles, a light machine gun, bayonets, and a half dozen BFK's (Big F-ing Knives) between us. But old sarge was right. With that radio we could call our friends in a similarly armed APC to come help, artillery strikes, air strikes, and if you were on maneuvers at Camp Grayling, pizza delivery from Billy Bob's Pizza & Salmonella Shack. Now while I don't have much of a need for artillery and assistance from a M-901ITV fire team much in civilian life anymore (unless I'm driving on Hwy 270 at 5pm on a Friday near the Hwy 23 North exit) it was the knowledge that in an emergency disaster, I would need a way to get information about the outside world as well as call for help, that lead me to my next purchase. One of those hand cranked AM/FM/Weather Alert radios as well as to make sure all of my cell phone and laptop computer batteries were fully charged when I got home. This ensures I will have a way to learn of weather alerts, communications from emergency workers, and to call for help should I need to do so. Again, all of this stuff I make very sure to keep in an easily accessible place so I can quickly find it if I need it.

Lastly, if I'd have to go several days without power, I'd want to eat something eventually. Well my father, who was also a NCO with the Army, has taught me how to grill and even gave me a gas grill last year. So I picked-up a couple bottles of propane and some cuts of beef since beef can be cooked quickly, allowing me to conserve fuel. Apartment complex rules and township ordinances be dammed if I'm hungry !!

Okay, this has run long enough. Stay safe out there. Until next time, this is The RedHeaded Rambler signing off.

You might be ADD if...

You might be ADD if...

Remember the disclaimer under my About Me section, thanks again !

So more ADD moments. Now please do not misunderstand. I don't intend to diminish, demean, or belittle the condition or the people who suffer from it. For sure its nearly ruined my life and brought about painful consequences. But if one can't laugh at themselves, what can you laugh at ? And hey, my ADD has given me a lot to laugh at from time to time !!

So cleaned my refrigerator today as it occurred to me it hadn't been done in so long I can't remember when if ever its been cleaned since I assumed occupancy of this domicile.

Literally found half a container of yoghourt that expired in September 2008. Fortunately, VERY fortunately common sense kicked-in as I was about to open it and unleash some unimaginably hellish stench on my humble abode and I left it sealed and deposited it in the trash. Also found some GROSS beef leftover from a pot-roast I made a year ago. It had mutated into some kind of unnatural life form that had definitive opinions about changing its residence from the refrigerator to the dumpster. It did not go willingly or easily and at one point I briefly considered calling animal control for assistance before I was able to break its will and make it submit to its fate. I also found some citrus that had degraded to the point where it was impossible to determine the species of fruit it was. Again my natural reaction was to open it and my brain was able to overrule that decision just before I was past the point of no return.

I would like to apologize in advance to the garbageman. But hey I guess we are even; being that you wake me up every Monday at the crack of noon with the soothing sounds of dumpsters being hydraulically smashed against the top of your truck and your even more relaxing warning siren.

Until next time, this is the RedHeaded Rambler signing off.

Healing old wounds

Healing old wounds

As you know by now, the disclosure found under my “About Me” section applies as always.

I spoke about perusing this in my first article of the year. Well I want to assure you that this is not merely an idea spurred by the emotions of the moment that fell by the wayside and no follow through.

To update you, I've been exploring the idea of therapy for a while now, and have just been waiting for my next doctor appointment this coming week to discuss options.

As luck would have it, I backed into an opportunity to heal a wound that had been hurting me for years. You see, it was back in 2002 while on an active-duty, stateside deployment that I became convinced that I needed help. Some of the things that we dealt with in terms of stress and my feeling about the deployment truly brought out the worst in me. I have never felt good about how I acted and how I was during this deployment. Its a burden of guilt and remorse that I've been carrying with me for a very long time, and its something that even eight years latter I think of several times a week.

Anyhow, purely by chance I came across a reunion group website for members of my old unit. Through this I easily spent over 30 hours reconnecting with long lost friends. It has been a very wonderful thing being able to reconnect with them, and as I posted repeatedly on my facebook page, I now understand what the author of the phrase “The older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.” was talking about.

I posted a letter on the site which I am about to share with you. But before I do, I want to qualify my remarks. I state and restate this repeatedly because it is some important to me that all people but ESPECIALLY veterans understand. I do not seek to portray myself out to be anything more than I am. I served stateside at Ft. Knox. All things considered, it was a relatively cushy mission compared to what all of our brave soldiers where and are doing overseas. I hold those who sacrificed so much more than me in high respect and reverence. I don't want to insult them by acting like I was some kind of hard core Audie Murphy who seen and done it all. It is a manner of personal honor to me to not do this. Plus no one can stand that guy at the end of the bar at the VFW who talks like he spent six years in the woods wasting VC but you later find he out only drove the Sergeant Major around the base in Asshole Arkansas and was later medically discharge for stubbing his toe walking into the NCO club after 6 months in the service. I do not want to ever be that guy.

So without further ado here it is.

First and foremost I want to thank the creators of this page. It has allowed me to get in contact with so many long lost friends that I assumed I would probably never see again once I left the military.

More so than anything, it has allowed me to get in contact with some of the soldiers and veterans who saw and had to deal with me when I was at my absolute worst as a human being, to ask (and thankfully receive) forgiveness for how I acted during that deployment. I have realized for a long time that during that deployment I was what I hate more so than anything: an extremely selfish & snot-nosed punk. I've thought about those days so many times and carried around deep feelings of guilt and embarrassment for how I acted, for easily 7+ years. To get some closure on this, has been a great relief for me.

One more remark qualification before launching into my next point. I don't see or seek to use the medical conditions I have as an excuse for anything. I hold myself responsible for my own actions and expect myself to adhere to the same standards of ethics and morals that everyone else holds themselves accountable to. The knowledge of my conditions only helps shed light on why I found certain things more challenging than others did.

My point. I've come to realize that the main reason I acted like such a bitter, angry punk during that deployment had a large part to do with feelings of shame and embarrassment for not serving overseas and truly going into harms way, while many of our 11 Bravo brothers were fighting and dieing over there. Clearly, I did not handle these feelings well.

The feelings only intensified for me when I left in 2003. Not many people know that the decision not to re-enlist actually was a very difficult decision for me because of those feelings and the knowledge even then, that I would be saying good-by to some of the best and closest friends I would ever have. The other secret that no one really knew about, was that in reality I could not re-enlist. No I didn't get a bar-to-re-enlist. But I was at high risk of getting one come the next physical.

My psychiatric problems had become very obvious towards the end of the deployment. So much so, that Cepek and the company commander actually ordered me to get some help out of concern for my welfare. Unfortunately the Army had very little to offer in the way of treatment, and that dept was really geared finding and discharging soldiers that the Army felt they could no longer trust with weapons. There was no way I was going to be truthful with the doctors once I realized this. However, I did make a promise to myself to get help through the civilian world once we got back home.

So while it wouldn't actually be until about Sept 2009 that I would finally get the correct treatment that has had the effect of changing my life for the better. I did go to a doctor when we got home and was on anti-depressant medications starting as early as Dec 2002. Because of this fact, if and when the 148th did get the call to deploy again, I would have been faced with getting tagged as medically undeployable at best, or medically discharged at worst. I had looked into this at great length and found no way around it. And that made me feel like much less of a man to put it mildly.

Its really only been within the last year or so that I've come to realize that I should feel no shame in not serving in Afghanistan or Iraq. As soldiers, seldom do we get to chose our missions. We only get to chose to serve and serve honorably. That while I may not have heard a shot fired in anger, I should feel some pride in the fact that I did get the opportunity to serve in some capacity. That there is some honor and pride to be had in being able to say that "I was among the first ones to answer the call to serve after the 9-11 tragedy" and no one can take that away from me.

Again, not in anyway trying to make myself or events out to be more than they are. I'm just saying we should take a little pride in what little we did do on that deployment. But its taken me a very long time to realize this.

To all the Shavers I have known

To All The Shavers I Have Known

Y'all know the disclaimers in my “About me” applies to everything I write about here as always.

For as far as I've come with my ADD recovery periodically I'm reminded that I still have room to grow. Shortly before the flue bug gave me a wall-to-wall-counseling-statement as my sergeant like to call them, I stumbled across the subject of this article. At the time I was scouring my apartment for a new tooth brush because I didn't feel like venturing out in -10F temperatures to go buy one. So I was really digging around in seldom used drawers when I came across this. 

Well actually not all that, just the three electric shavers you see. Here's the deal, I'm a closet or I guess formerly closeted gadget geek as you've probably inferred from all my prior articles. Seems like at least once a year, I go through a shaving gear phase. Its always been funny to me as well as something of a mystery as well. You see, I don't have much facial hair, and can barely grow a mustache, let alone a goatee, and long ago gave-up any ideas of a beard. So why on earth would someone like me, by their late 20's have already owned eight electric shavers and seven sets of trimmers (actually eight sets of clippers if you count the set I convinced Dad to buy for the dog) ? Well the trimmers I simply have no answer for, save for the fact that three of them revolve around a recent warranty exchange I got the loosing end on and don't care to discuss in such a public forum.

There are actually several reasons why I've owned so many electric shavers, but for the last six or so years, its been a relatively simple answer that also applies to the far less number of blade razors I've owned. Once a year, I go to buy a set of replacement blades for my most recently acquired shaving device only to find the difference in price between a new set of blades (ridiculously expensive REGARDLESS of the make or manufacturer) and a whole new shaver, is only marginal. Unhappy with this and wanting to stick it to The Man, I always opt to buy a new shaver rationing that their profit margin on a new shaver is much slimmer than their profit margin on replacement blades for the shaver. Seriously, last time around, I went to buy a set of blades for one of the machines, shown in the picture, and it was going to cost me $25 and I only paid $30 for the device AND blades barely a year before !! Think you'll get off easier by using a regular blade razor ? Sorry to burst your bubble but a pack of the good generic disposables is going to run you between $10-$15 and lasts ME barely three months, so you're looking at $40 a year for the razors, and you'll probably want some shaving gel to go with them at about $5-$8 a can. A good friend and I were talking about it the other day and he's of a strong opinion that this type of expense is a big reason why facial hair has come back in style with men in the last few years. I think he's right !!!

Again this is funny if you know me. For one, a quick look at my finances for...Well for my entire adult life... nnoo that's too subjective, lets say if you reviewed my finances since I left home the first time; you'd know that its only been here in the last year I'd ever spent money responsibly. So why would I always be so concerned with it, when it comes to shaving ? Probably its just how I was able to talk myself into buying another electric toy I guess. Even then, that still doesn't really answer the question fully. For all my lack of interest in cleaning, WHY razors ?

Well those who really know me, know that for all my lack of interests in cleaning, I've always been a stickler for personal hygiene. Laundry could build-up for weeks and months, dishes could go unwashed till Rapture comes, but I will and have ALWAYS meticulously attended to matters of personal hygiene. Falling down drunk, I'd still manage to run a tooth brush through my mouth before passing out. So it does make sense to me from that viewpoint. I don't think its a coincidence that my shaver phase always comes during the winter either. The cold, damp weather of Ohio makes my pasty-white skin dry and painful. So using a blade razor is much less desirable at this point in the year, making an electric the best option.

My shaving phase was extended this year because on 1 Jan, I decided to quit outsourcing a haircare chore, that I've always left to professionals in the past. It was quite unplanned but without question will save me a lot of money every year. Wanna hint ?

You got it !! I decided to start cutting my own hair. It wasn't a New Years resolution or anything. On that particular day, I'd been too long overdue for a haircut, could not stand it any longer, and with all barbers closed for the holiday, I was forced to take matters into my own hands. Here was that extra big guide comb for my beard trimmers just tempting me, and I said “To hell with it, I can just shave it all off if I botch it. You only live once”. It was surprisingly easy, and being that I've already paid for the equipment, and have been spending $20-$25 a month on hair cuts, I'll save at least $240 a year by continuing to do so.

Okay, time to get this wrapped-up. One more story, third funniest story involving me and shaving equipment, the other two are still classified top secret to protect the innocent and infamous. Freshman year of college I was walking baa... you know what, I better not post that story. So instead I'll tell about one of the incidents in a chain of events involving the funniest/craziest story that involves me and shaving gear. Once I shaved my eyebrows off, even went so far as to get a straight razor, shaving foam, and do it right. You'd be surprised how many people that will get you noticed by. I'm willing to bet over a dozen people threw their backs out doing a double take as I walked by. But that's only a very small part of the story and wasn't even close to being the craziest or dumbest thing that happened that night so I'm gonna stop there.

This is the RedHeaded Rambler signing off.

Sorry its been so long, I'm bbaaccckkk

Man I HATE FLUE SEASON !!

For as far as I've come with my ADD recovery periodically I'm reminded that I still have room to grow. Which is a long way of saying, I screwed-up by not posting anything in a while and I'm sorry. I don't have a good excuse but I'm about to waste your time with a bad one anyhow :)

I spent my last weekend fighting the flue bug that involved a fever fluctuating from 102-104 degrees and all the screwy dreams and hallucinations that go with. In fact, last weekend felt like a real life portrayal of the movie Fear and Loathing in Las-Vegas, and its taken most of this past week to put the pieces back together.

Rather funny what you do when you when you're in a situation like that. Like a lot of guys I'm rather pitiful when I'm sick with a cold. My nose is usually smeared ointment and red as a fire engine, and I'm usually found lounging on the couch or bed surrounded by several metric tons of tissues. I never realized how many tissues I actually use til I went to clean-up things this past Sunday and it took two 12gallon bags to remove them all !!

Somewhere in the midst of the fever induced bouts of hallucinations and unconsciousness I called my mother. She lives three hours away so its not like she can really do anything, but even at the age of 30 when a boy is sick, he instinctively feels a need for his mommy !!! According to the thermometer I'd been running a fever of over 103 degrees for nearly 11 hours and wanted to get a second opinion before going to the hospital and unleashing the crap storm that would go with that decision. I've had a couple of friends make that mistake this year already and found themselves quarantined, very much against their will, for several days. Who can afford to miss that much work ? So I guess in hindsight, getting a second opinion was rather prudent given that I wasn't in a position to fully make a sound decision. To Mom's credit, she did help me out quite a bit, and her maternal instincts have not weakened a bit. She was very concerned.

The conversation was somewhat funny. Her first question “What is your temp at right this moment ?” UUHHH I hadn't thought to look at that, so I check, which was quick being that I was using one of those IR deals that you hold to your ear and click the button on. 102 degrees. So mom says okay well its close, check it using the other ear now, Okay that's a reasonable request. So I do, 104.5 degrees this time. To which Mom says “has it been giving you readouts that vary this much the whole time ?” I have to think about it for a couple minutes. Finally I figure out how to check the thing's memory and sure enough it has. “Mike you've got a bad thermometer, I know there is a pharmacy around the corner from you, go ask the pharmacist to help you pick out a reliable one but DO NOT tell them you are worried about H1N1, don't even hint that its crossed your mind !! Bring it back, check your temp with it twice in a row, write down the results, and call me back with them”. UUHH ? “Okay clearly the cold medicine is working on you, your gauge not working, go get another one and recheck and please don't worry me by taking two hours to call back”. OH Okay, you make good sense Mom ! Wonder why I didn't think about that earlier “Because you favor your Father's side of the family more than mine, tic, toc, go get this done before you fall asleep again sunshine and get some 7-UP and chicken soup while you're there ”. I'm glad I talked to her, because upon returning with a better thermometer, I was much relieved to learn my temp was actually closer to 100-101 and this device's readouts only varied by two tenths of a degree. But I had to check it about eight times to convince myself of this as well has have dear mommy assure me that was a good thing and I could put my fears of having to go to the hospital to bed.

Always seems like with the flue I fall asleep watching some screwed-up show that creates images in my head when I float in and out of sleep throughout the day. I think this last time it was the worst of the worst though. Some documentary about Oswald and the spooky characters he associated with. Freaking thing caused me to have nightmares all week. At one point, a leg cramp woke me up from a dead sleep and in the confusion of one of these whacked-out dreams I was rousted from, I spun around thinking David Ferrie was coming for me ! Don't Google that guy, it'll REALLY creep you out by the way.

Thankfully, I'm pretty well healed-up now, just recouping my strength from the ordeal, and I hope to have more posts on here soon.

Again, I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with this lately, but stay tuned, there will be more and much more worthwhile posts coming soon.

Until next time, this is the RedHeaded Rambler, signing off

Congratulations Buckeyes

Congratulations Buckeyes !!

Please excuse me for going off topic with this one. But I’d be remise if I didn’t take a moment to tip my cap to the one and only sports team I follow with serious interest.

I believe I’ve elaborated before about what Buckeye Football means to me and my family & friends. Its very serious stuff and is as much a part of our family culture and identity as our last name. You see my hometown of Farmer, Ohio as the name suggests is very much an agricultural community and my high school last I checked, is one of the last that still has a FFA (Future Farmers of America) program and 4-H clubs still abound. THE Ohio State University was formed as an agricultural college and still has one of the top AG (Agricultural) programs in the nation. So with such ties, its only natural that if you grew-up in that area and intended to go to college, OSU was the most logical choice. Many of those alumni came back home to roost after graduation, so while there are far fewer kids from the area intending to go into an ag related field, large numbers of them still end-up going to school at OSU. Thus the tradition continues.

Counting aunts, uncles, cousins, Dad, and myself, eight members of my family graduated from OSU. Contrary to popular belief, my mother did not. But not by choice. Her father didn’t want her to go so far away from home because she was a woman. If you ever ask her about it (and I wouldn’t), tears still well-up in her eyes as she explains why Grandpa would only let her attend Bowling Green.

But when it comes to Buckeye Football, mom is their most passionate fan. If the team is down, better stay off the land line phone least Coach T calls her for advice. He better not get a busy signal when he dials !! So intense is her love of Buckeye football it’s a (very affectionate) joke within the family. She literally got kicked out of her own home one day for being too obnoxious during a game. An uncle told her to get out !! She was three steps out the door when she realized “This is my house. Why am I leaving ?”, went back in, and had a curt talk with my father who very laughingly told his in-law that he’d been overruled Mom was staying. If she was too much, Dad would be willing to drive him down to the local bar to watch the game but NOT before half time. Ironically that Uncle’s daughters would both end-up graduating with all manner of academic accolades from THE Ohio State University. One of his daughters scheduled her wedding on opening day of OSU Football season several decades later. At one point during the reception, Dad asked my sister and I to find Mom for some sort of dance. We both laughed till we cried when we found her. Among the 35-40 men crowed around the small TV at the bar, was my 5ft 90lb mother in the seat closest to the TV. We went back and told Dad he’d have to wait till half time to dance, the score was too close !!

As for this game. Don’t worry, I’m going to tone down the comments I’ve been making on my Facebook page. Those were reserved only for fellow Buckeye fans who wouldn’t be turned-off by them. However like most Buckeye fans, I’m certainly no fan of ESPN’s college football commentators either. Boom there it is, off my chest, I feel much better now.

Congratulations to THE Ohio State Buckeyes. Terrelle you did us proud today ! The talking heads and people who called in to their talk shows have been hard on you this year. The media in Columbus has run you ragged. So much so that if you read and listened to everything, you’d have thought they were talking about an NFL quarterback not an unpaid student athlete who isn’t even old enough to drink !! I personally was taken back by it all and can only imagine how it made you feel. You handled it much better than I would have had I been in your shoes, and I applaud you for how you dealt with it all. Now no one can criticize you for your play. To make all those runs on a bum knee, WOW !! You had more grass stains on your jersey at the end of the game than the running backs and linebackers combined. You played with passion, you played with heart, you showed the fire of a true competitor. High school and Jr. High football coaches should show their teams the tape of this game and point to your performance as an example of how to play the game. A grateful Buckeye Nation is in your debt !!

Coach Tressel A grateful Buckeye Nation is also in your debt !! You too have been under constant criticism this year. They clobbered you in the media the one time you barked back and you didn’t even bark that much. It reminded me of how Mr. Rodgers might respond after stubbing his toe and wasn’t remotely close to the big deal the media made it to be. Thank you for showing us yet again why the State of Ohio loves you. Thank you for how you represent Alma Mater and how you respect the rich traditions of our great university. Thank you for reminding us why we say “In Tressel we trust or In T we T” anytime the game is on the line. I also compliment you for showing some emotion out there. When the Ducks took over on that key down in the fourth quarter, they cut to you and I saw the eyes of a determined competitor out there and knew everything was going to be okay. You looked like you could go out there without pads and take their defense on by yourself !!

To every young man who suited-up for the Scarlet and Grey this season, thank-you for giving us another fun filled season of Buckeye Football this year. You’ve done the tradition of Buckeye Football and THE Ohio State University proud. Its been a real privilege watching you this year !!

Until next time, RedHeaded Rambler signing off 

 

Photo Gallery: Ohio State vs. Oregon Rose Bowl Photo Gallery - The Ohio State Buckeyes Official Athletics Site - OhioStateBuckeyes.com

If you don't get help here, PLEASE Get help some where

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
- Helen Keller


I’d like to take this time to reach out to anyone struggling with mental illness but has yet to seek help.

Perhaps on reflection of the previous year, you’ve thought about getting help but haven’t. Perhaps its part of a New Year’s resolution you made.

I would like to encourage you not to put it off. Don’t wait. I know its hard I’ve been in your shoes and so have millions of other Americans. NAMI estimates 1 in 4 Americans suffer from mental illness every year. So I assure you that you are NOT alone.

Its always hard to admit you need help. Its something I struggled with accepting myself. But there is no shame. Mental Illnesses are medical conditions just like cancer, diabetes or H1N1.

Also like any other medical illness you should expect the same standards of professionalism and thoroughness. Anything less, head for the door.

Going to list a link here that will help reassure you that you are not alone. As well as a link for NAMI an organization that can help point you in the right direction as far as seeking treatment.

http://www.bringchange2mind.org

http://www.nami.org

End of Year ADD Moments

End of Year ADD Moments

I want to start off the year by laughing at someone. Specifically me. Had some ADD moments sneak in before the close of 2009 that had comical value.

When I rousted myself from bed around the crack of 3pm yesterday, it was my initial intention to head to the gym for a long walk. But before the meds could kick in, I became absorbed with a project I’m not at liberty to discuss here. Then I became side tracked exchanging emails with a very pleasant lady I met recently. Which started me on developing the New Years Letter I recently posted, then I had to take a break to surf through old music videos, then go back to my project, and before I knew it, it was 8:45pm the gym was about to close, I hadn’t eaten and needed to make a long overdue grocery run !!

While driving to the grocery I thought I’d call my Mom using my blue tooth ear piece. I became so absorbed in talking to her, that I forgot that my actual cell phone was resting in the center counsel of my vehicle. So when I parked and started heading to the entrance still in deep conversation, Mom mysteriously cut out when I got about 15 feet from the store !!

Latter on, went to start the laundry rotation. Opened the washer up and it was as if some satanic jack-in-the-box blasted me in the face. I mean I actually saw stars and WOW the smell !! For the first time in my 30 years on this earth I smelt mildew. Mildew from a damp load of laundry that my calculations estimate had been fermenting since before Christmas eve eight days prior !! Dam was I proud of myself !!

Lastly as many of you know, I’ve been shamelessly plugging this blog for three weeks. It occurred to me, that despite posting it repeatedly several times a day, I don’t have the web address memorized. I have to reference it in my favorites list and copy it from the address bar !! AAHH gotta laugh, it wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t true.

Okay time for the next one

RedHeaded Rambler signing off

My New Years Letter

Greetings Readers/Friends.

Let me start by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR and GO BUCKEYES BEAT DUCKS !!

To my fellow alumni and fans of THE Ohio State University I say O-H !!

Alright now that I got that out of my system, want to share the gist of a letter I sent out to friends and family yesterday in various forms each tailored to personalize it to whomever it was sent. Definitely removed some things that would serve more harm than good if shared on a public forum so don't worry Mom and Dad !

Hey;

Just wanted to take a break from what I'm doing to drop you a line to wish you all HAPPY NEW YEAR !! I know 2009 was a rough time for many of you and it wasn't easy on me either.

Among the plethora of self help books I've been reading dealing with ADD and depression, one thing rings consistent. They always have a section about dealing with your "Bag of Hurts". Which essentially is referring to the events and situations of your life that have scarred and injured you spiritually and emotionally.

While our personal situations are uniquely different, I think its applicable for us all to consider reflecting on them. NOT for the sake of dwelling in the past or making excuses for why we are who we are. But rather, do so for the sake of binding-up those wounds and enabling us to move forward with an improved quality of life and a fresh start.

Consider asking for help from your "Higher Power" or whomever you call God for help and guidance. Its a big task and you'll need help from that entity to get there.

I'm going to enclose a link to a music video for a song that has always meant a lot to me. Lots of people like to make fun of it and the artist, but for me its always been very deep and emotional as I interpret it to be about new beginnings. Can't tell you how many times I've heard this song as I blasted down route 6 or us 127 heading for a new adventure. The call to active duty, freshman year of college, on my way to college graduation ceremony, move back to Columbus, the list goes on.
Whitesnake

Lastly, here's my New Years wish to all of you.

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.”


Until next time,
RedHeaded Rambler signing off